Mustang Muse

Bob Dole is a Noob

Travis Carpenter, 4/24/08

If anything, I hated the environment. I sometimes purposely threw my recyclables in the trash just so I could say, ‘Hah! I’m not gonna be goody-goody and help our climate! Screw the climate! HAH!’. I would drive a diesel car around or even turn it on and leave to further my unnecessary hate of the ozone. If there wasn’t a trash can around, I would throw my garbage on the ground. I’d been charged four times with littering, and given over fifty warnings about throwing my trash anywhere, but I showed about as much concern as a banana slug who witnessed a murder. They called me Spitstain, but I preferred my actual name of Allan Renolds. But either way, I was about to get a rude awakening.

As I saw a trash can full of recyclable goods, I tipped it over and laughed. But at the bottom of that can I saw a very short man who resembled a leprechaun. He looked at me with a malice I could not describe (except how I’m describing it right now). I assumed that the trash can was his home and now that I tipped it over, he was going to either yell at me or attempt killing me. I stared at him at he immediately spammed verbal anguish at me in Japanese.

“Bakka!”, yelled the small man.

“Duuuuuuude… I have no idea what you’re sayin’…”, I replied.

“YOU IDIOT!!! LEARN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE SO PEOPLE WILL STOP THINKING AMERICANS ARE EDUCATIONALLY REDUNDANT!!!”, screamed the small green man.

“Ok”, I replied.

“I am the Green Ninja of Happy Flowers. I have been waiting here for you, Mr. Renolds.”, said the green ‘ninja’. “ I am here to either educate you on the environment, or kill you.”

“Cool”, I replied.

So me and the ninja wandered around the town, speaking of all the fanciful things the environment has to offer. We talked for hours, enjoyed meals and even visited my mother along the way. By the end of the journey, the ninja turned to me and asked me one question.

“So, do you love the world now?”

“Ummm…”, I started.

“Too slow”, said the ninja.

The ninja the shot thousands of bees out of his sleeve and they stung me. I was then afflicted with over 9000 diseases at the same time. But that’s beside the point. I now love the earth so much, I’m buried six feet underground, buried by a strange, short, green man.

A young fallible polar bear named Skadi struggled to plow through the seemingly giant snow drifts in a desperate search for her mother, who never returned to her after a quick fishing expedition .As Skadi wandered the almost barren land of snow and ice, she began to feel warm this feeling dumbfounded Skadi because being too warm was not a familiar feeling to the young cub. In the midst of Skadis deep thought she began to feel vibrations under her feet and then a slight pinch, the ice was giving way she began to run but the slippery ice gave way to a uncontrollable flailing and she slid forward fortunately she rolled onto the snow and was saved. Once she had collected herself she continued on her journey. The temperature seemed to rise with every new step and the only thing that allowed Skadi to hold on to slightest equanimity was the re-occurring breeze that caressed her nose.

Her head dropped and swayed back in forth, she was hopeless. completely oblivious to her surroundings Skadis paw touched water it was cold and stung her raw paws , she looked ahead and saw a lone sheet of ice floating in the horizon she squinted her eyes and saw a body , powerful and beautiful yet motionless. Skadi called to it and heard nothing; she knew it was her mother because they were the only bears in the arctic. Skadi continued to call and as she prepared one last loud call her foot slid forward and she fell into the water. She swam her hardest and decided to go to her mother. She pushed and pushed and finally made it she crawled onto the sheet of ice and laid beside her mother as they floated to horizon and to the end of a species.

(Author's Note: I've always wanted to try a story made of nothing but dialog. I hope it doesn't seem like a lazy contribution...)

by Elizabeth Murphy

Where is our Earth going?

“Oh, man, I haven’t been home for years!”

“Yeah, I know! It looks so different, huh?”

“Yeah, it does… that’s weird. I don’t remember that hotel being there.”

“Me neither… it’s kind of ugly. Wasn’t there a field there before?”

“Aww, yeah! I remember that! It was so pretty and green… I saw some bunnies
there a long time ago…”

“They probably aren’t there anymore…”

“Nah, not there. Huh, that’s sad… maybe the old park is there!”

“The old park? Oh yeah, that place! Yeah! It should be right over… there…”

“What did they do to it?”

“It’s… apartment buildings…”

“Why would it be apartments? This town can’t be THAT big…”

“But that’s what’s there now. Ugh, that sucks!”

“I know! I liked that park…”

“Well, maybe the old lot is still there.”

“The lot that was behind out house before? The one with all the pretty trees?”

“Yeah, that HAS to still be there! There was such fresh air back there! They
can’t have cut that down!”

“Yeah, let’s go!” …

“… Oh… my god…”

“They didn’t…”

“My god, they did. They cut those trees down. How could they?! Those gave us a
lot of nice clean air! That’s what this town was famous for! Having so many
trees that gave us clean oxygen, and the farms…”

“Maybe that’s drawing tourists, so they’re industrializing…”

“Yeah, industrializing, all right! Look at that factory! It’s spewing all sorts
of nasty chemicals into the air…”

“Thanks for destroying our ozone!”

“Oh man. This is terrible. All of our pretty green plants are disappearing…”

“Those were beneficial, too! They gave us clean air!”

“I bet those factories are polluting our water as well.”

“I’m kind of glad I don’t live here anymore if that’s the case. Poisonous water
is definitely not fun to drink.”

“Ugh, there’s probably a bunch of landfills where our farmland used to be.”

“Landfills? If we fill the Earth up with landfills, we won’t have any place to
live!”

“I know. This sucks. At least we recycle at home.”

“Yeah, we recycle. We aren’t adding to the garbage in the world.”

“This place isn’t totally unredeemable, right?”

“Nah, I think if we all start recycling and being aware of our pollution, the
whole world will change eventually.”

“Eventually… easier said than done.”

“Stop being such a pessimist! We’re helping just be recycling, aren’t we?”

“But just us…”

“Not just us! Other people all over the world are recycling too. That’ll add up
soon.”

“All right, I guess it won’t hurt…”

“Of course not. Come on, let’s go home.”

“Yeah, homeward bound.”

I had not realized I had missed the recycling can. I had also not realized how lax I had been about taking care of the environment. Apparently, all of my sins against our mother earth were about to be repented. The environments payback began when a haymaker to the face was delivered by a very tiny woman with wings. A very powerful one by the way.

“That’s it, I’ve had it with you!” she screamed at me. She was very small, probably about six feet tall. She wore leaves for a dress. Her fiery red hair was about her height, and flowed in the night breeze. She wore a wreath around her head, which was weird since we were no where close to Christmas. She also seemed to have a good tan on her, and her face would have been cutesy, if not contorted into a snarl, which oddly enough seemed almost comical, especially with her eyes being a nice shade of turquoise. “Well, what do you have to say for yourself?!”

“I think you may have broken my jaw,” I said coolly. I wasn’t one you would want to meet in a dark alley. My brown hair came down in dreadlocks. My leather jacket was aided in its ability to intimidate by the spikes that lined the shoulders. I wore a white t-shirt under it, and had some purposely ripped jeans. And combat boots. Needless to say, I was a blue eyed man you did not want to get involved with. “And do you know who I am?”

Unfortunately, little miss muscles (she didn’t look it, but that haymaker certainly knocked me for a loop) wasn’t paying attention to me. She rooted through the trash, and eventually found said can. She properly disposed of it, and then crossed her arms. “Yeah I know who you are! You’re that punk Tal who thinks he’s king of the world. News flash! You’re not!”

I wasn’t about to let this little childrens book wannabe tell me how to live my life. “Yeah, well you can just go…”

But before I had gotten a word in, I found that I was now a well grown tree right next to the recycling. Now this was enough to make me use profanity (okay, I use it a lot, but I used a lot more than I usually use). Now, I wasn’t a normal looking tree, I noticed that my arms were now the branches, yes, but now my face jutted out from it, like a knothole. I noticed this when that little living air freshener showed me my reflection, “I think you look better, eh punk?”

“What the (beep) did you… What the (beep)? Why can’t I (Beeping) swear?”

My hostess decided that it would be fun to put a bar of soap in my mouth, “What did your mom teach you about language you little punk? Well, I thought you’d be like that, so I put a little censor spell on you!”

I decided to spit that stupid thing out of my mouth, “I’m the little punk?! Why don’t you come over here and say…”

That’s when my mouth was stitched closed, “Shush, your first lesson is coming around the corner!”

It was hard to see anything in the darkness of night (stupid detention) but I noticed where those footsteps were coming from. That old as the dinosaurs janitor was coming. Stupid moron. Always smiling. Always trying to tell us to respect everyone around us.

“Well, let’s see what we have today!” He said in his stupid happy tone, behind his stupid beard, “What’s this?”

The stupid idiot found some food in the trash. Probably not getting paid enough to feed himself.

“This should be in the compost heap were making,” he stupidly shook his head, “kids these days!”

He then stupidly walked off with a bag full of all that stupid food in the trash and…

“You know I can hear what you’re thinking?” The little miss plum fairy wannabe…

“You already referred to me as a different kind of wannabe,” The flighty thing than slapped me, which surprisingly, turned me back to normal. “Did you learn anything you thick headed idiot?!”

“That you’re a (beep),” That (beep) (beep) censor spell is still working…

“Did you not see him root through all that trash!?” She yelled at me.

I shrugged, “So what? That’s his job…”

She slapped me again, “NO IT’S NOT! FINE! I see inspiring people aren’t going to help you!”

That’s when I noticed our scenery had changed from the exterior of my school to the ocean, and that I had become a mermaid…

She giggled, “Technically it’s a merman,” Her eyes flashed, and the (Beep) turned me into a freakin chick!

“What the (beep) is this?!” Now she was really asking for it.

I guess who I am is finally getting to her. She promptly turned me back.

“Don’t think of yourself to highly, now we’ll see something you casually pass off as nothing…”

That’s when on huge oil tanker was coming our way. And I saw what it was headed for.

“Hey, (Beep)! Watch out for that…”

I’m sure even if they had heard me it would have been no good. I saw the crude substance drain out of the tanker as it screeched against the rocks.

I don’t know how fast I was swimming (I was surprised I had a knack for it) but if there was anything I knew from what little news I’d watched, I did not want to get that stuff on me.

“What’s the matter?” The red haired… thing said, “I thought animals were stupid for not getting out of the way.”

“You know what, you can just go…”

That’s when I got caught in some (beep) net. A (beep) net!

“Wow, we certainly are close to the coast!” She chuckled, “and you humans sure are smart for making these nets. I mean, sure you don’t have gills or fins, but I’m sure you deserve to be in the ocean a lot more than everything that calls it its home!”

And like that she was gone. I struggled, I struggled hard. But as I twisted and turned the safety net around the bay kept tangling me more and more. And then the black substance washed over me. I tried to breath. I tried my hardest. But it was choking the life out of me…

That’s when not just I, but the entire class woke up.

“Mr. Reed! I’m very disappointed in your class,” The red haired presenter in a business suit shouted to our teacher, “this planet is what they are going to inherit, and they don’t pay attention to a word I say!”

“I’m sorry Miss Dust,” He replied, “class, please show her the proper respect.”

“Yes!” “Of course!” “I wouldn’t think or doing anything else!” were just some of the things me and the rest of the class said.

She nodded and continued. I rubbed my eyes for a second. I thought I saw wings for a second on her. I was sure I was seeing things. Of course, after class my friend said, “Dude, she looked just like the brood from this dream I was havin’!”

She was awoken a little before eight that morning to the telephone ringing and a message from her dad recording on the answering machine. “Rise and shine! Glory, Glory! Time to get up! Happy Easter! …Hi Ali, give us a call. I’m gonna call your cell phone too. But, wake up, feed the dog, let him out, all that good stuff. Talk to you in a bit.” Ali, half awake by now, felt her phone vibrating on her face. She answered with a hoarse, “Hi dad”. “Morning Ali!”

“Morning.” She wiped her eyes and felt mascara smear across her face and realized she was still in the clothes she wore yesterday. Her dad told her about Danny’s game yesterday and how well he did. There was no question this was the reason for his extremely joyful mood: he was with his son, watching him play the American game in college, succeeding in life and in the baseball. How could a father be prouder?

“So, Danny had a great game yesterday!”

“Yea, why?”

“He hit a homer!”

“That’s great! Was there anybody on base?”

“Yea two guys, he just did a great job!”

“Yeah! Good job Danny!”

“You should call him!”

“Alright.”

“So anyway, the plan is we are going to take grandma to church; Danny, Mom, and I are gonna to go to breakfast, and then we’ll say goodbye to Dan, go get grandma at church and take her home while she’s still full of glory, and then we’ll head on home, so we won’t be home till pretty late.”

“Ok”

“Alright?”

“Yeap.”

“Alright we’ll see you when we get home Ali! Hey, take care of your dog will ya?”

“Yea, I will”

“Alright, bye.”

“Bye”

Ali got up. She changed out of her clothes and into the PJ’s she never wore last night. After a few minutes of walking around the house aimlessly, waking herself up, she opened the squeaky garage door and let her furry black dog outside, filled his bowl with kibble and mixed in his pills so he would eat them. Bare footed, she went back inside and watched Sunday morning cartoons with a bowl of cereal in her hands. Waking up slow like this always reminded her of summer mornings and good times with her older brother, Danny. After chores, homework, and a shower, she decided to take her dog on a walk in the trails and pick wild flowers along the way to surprise her parents when they got home.

She changed into black spandex shorts and a little gray t-shirt, her volleyball clothes. Before walking out the door she looked into the mirror and smiled; slid the hair tie off her wrist and gathered her long hair into a shimmering blond ponytail. She was the kind of girl that was naturally beautiful. Her eyes were a very light blue, her cheeks were rosy, and her lips were always red, usually from licking them to much. Her beauty was pure and innocent, the kind any man wanted.

It had rained a lot in the weeks before and the hills were as green as Dublin. The sky was a clear blue, not a cloud to be found. The sun was bright and she felt a lovely warmth as she walked along, yet never got too hot. She heard all the birds chirping and every flower had a sweet perfume. It was a beautiful day, almost too beautiful.

As she strolled along she sang quietly to herself or whistled a happy song, her favorite uncle taught her how to whistle. She thought on her friends, her family, and the men in her life, the recent events that had caused her heart-break. And every ten minutes or so, she’d see a lady with a dog, bike riders, runners, or family’s taking a stroll.

While gathering clusters of little white flowers from a tree, she felt a man walking behind her. His eyes were a brown, tinted red, like terra cotta. His eyebrows were faint and his strawberry blond hair was balding. He wore work shoes, and work pants that look like they were a size too small. His pot belly protruded out of a white tee shirt and the blue lettering on it read, Property of Jesus. A silver chain hung down around his thick neck holding a cross. He looked out of place there, like someone picked him up off of the sidewalk and placed him on the trail.

“Hi” he greeted her.

“Hi” The path forked, she chose to go to the left and he did as well.

“Are you walking somewhere or just going for a walk?” Ali inquired

“Oh, just goin for a walk.” He spoke through his throat, making him sound froggie. He stopped and put his hand out for the black furry dog to sniff, but he had no interest in this stranger and ran off to go pounce something in the green hills.

The man was walking at the same pace as her. Noticing his religious wear she said. “Happy Easter”

“Happy Easter”, Holding out his hand, he said, “My name is Donald”

“I’m Ali.” His shake was soft. She continued walking, but he slowed down and let her walk in front of him. She felt his eyes running up and down her body. Knowing there was a church near by she asked, “Did you go to church this morning?”

“Yes I did. Jesus is my lord and savior and I let him lead my life. Does Jesus lead your life?” His terra cotta eyes became intense, and in the light, looked redder than ever.

“I’m not religious.”

This guy sounds like he’s from a frick’n cult. But her grandmother would have never approved of this thought. Ali couldn’t count how many times her grandmother had dragged her to church in hopes to make her see the light of God. It never felt right to her and she always disagreed with what the priest sermoned about. Her grandmother always told her she needed a good relationship with God and believed that inside everyone there is a hole that needs to be filled by God’s love. Ali believed God to be made up in order to help people answer their questions about the world, until science came along.

“I work at the hardware store” he said abruptly.

“Oh ya, which one?”

“Pini”

“Oh, my dad goes in there a lot.”

“What’s his name?”

“Micheal Carver”

“Oh, that name sounds familiar.”

The path forked again. She chose the left, towards where the honeysuckle grew. This time he chose the right, leading off the trail. She was glad. He was perfectly nice, but there was something eerie about his personality. But even so she felt safe. She had a very protective dog, and was confident in the fact that she was stronger than she looked.

She strolled down the dirt path, humming her sweet songs, smelling her sweet bouquet of wild flowers, looking as sweet as ever: her blond hair simmering half way down her back and her eyes as light and clear as the sky. Ali continued down her path, encountering all the things life wanted to teach her. Ali loved sunny days like this, perfect for a walk. In her life she habituated herself to walking very far, and the majority of the time, in the sunshine.